So as many of you know, I have lived here since 2004, which means I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary here. Wow. I feel old. Yeah I said it. Those of you who know me who are older than me can poo-poo this statement all you want, but that’s how I feel. Oh, and I also feel FAT. FAT FAT FAT!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so enough of this staying beautiful/staying fit malarkey, how about some activity for our rusty cogs? Of course, each individual wants to stimulate their grey cells in different ways but for me I love a bit of creativity; art, film and performance. Bring it on! If you feel the same you might be interested in my list of what to do in Buenos Aires this weekend.
With turning of the seasons I am bidding a solemn farewell to my darling summer days and planning for hibernation, i.e. activities inside; away from the winds and the occasional bone-chilling rain.
- THEATRICAL SHOW:
Fuerza Bruta is in town!
If you haven’t heard of this Argentine art performance group it is time to pull your head from out underneath the pillow, dust yourself off and get your sweet ass down the Centro Cultural Recoleta ASAP! My first experience of Fuerza Bruta was in 2010 and it left a lasting throbbing impression, however trying to explain what they do is no simple task. We can but try…. Fuerza Bruta is an energetic ride, where the world as we know it becomes a surreal parallel universe as acrobatic performers act, dance, fly and literally fall from the sky in time to the powerful music score with strobe lighting, special effects, nudity (moderate), water (lots) creating scenes of a poetic, violent and beautiful nature combined with whole lot of mess and YOU. It’s an all-standing rave of a show and quite simply you need to see it (and feel it) to understand why Fuerza Bruta has become the phenomenal worldwide theatrical success it is to today and one of the must-do activities for locals and travelers visiting Buenos Aires.
Mario Testino: In Your Face at MALBA, March 14th to June 9th
I worshipped this man (along with 90% of my class piers) throughout my three years studying photography at University. Mario Testino has produced some of the most iconic fashion images over the past three decades, using intense vibrant color, elegance, contradiction, glamour and fame to create potent and seductive results. His photos suck you in to hyper time, taking you to a surreal world minutes before dumping you back into your comparatively grey boring life. Go and see it!
Another one of my God’s at University! Wes Anderson distinctive style has brought him cult following around the world, with his monochromatic pallet, the dry sense of humor complimented by surreal narrative storylines, makes each of his films a pure nugget of gold and I can’t wait to see this next one!
Yes, I’m set for the weekend! Have a good one, whatever you get up to.
So what’s my obsession with personal appearance at the moment right? Well, it’s not so much appearance that is the problem….it’s an age thing. I have started the 6 month count down to my 30th birthday. Nothing like a big milestone to get you thinking about how you are taking care of yourself! The older I get the more I see how boozing until the early hours and scoffing 5 burgers a week has taken its toll and I don’t like it, not one bit.
So this is it, I am getting fit for 30, that includes healthy eating programs (note; I did not write the dreaded ‘d word’), acupuncture, facials and of course exercise classes. Exercise, does anyone truly love it? I mean I love the feeling after as endorphins do a like dance and make a little love, but actually do it, urrrgh! It’s a ball ache. So I tried to be a little more inventive then just ‘going for a run around the block’ and this is the best compilation of fitness regimes Buenos Aires has to offer.
Boot Camp Buenos Aires: This expat run group will get you fighting fit (and totally out of breath) in no time. The outdoor gym sessions are run from Puerto Madero and Palermo Parks, focusing on strength, resistance training and cardio and don’t require commitment. You can pay as you go or pay for a six week intensive course. Whatever suits your fitness and pocket needs.
BuenaOndaYoga: I’m not a Yogi type myself; I’ve always found that I wanted to sleep in the class rather than feel energized by it but I hear this is just because I’ve have bad teachers. You’ll find no such thing at BuenaOndaYoga, I have it on good account that these ladies know what they are doing and you be working up a sweat long before counting sheep. Constant variation in classes and teachers means you’ll be putting your legs behind your head in no time.
Pole Dancing at Art Dance Studio: Release the sex goddess within! We all have one and Art dance studio will help you find it. All shapes and sizes are welcome of all levels so prep yourself for some intense core action as well as hardcore bruising! It’ll all pay off and you’ll be hanging upside down before you know it.
And, finally, in the words of Freddie Mercury: Get on your bikes and ride!
Even if you don’t own a bicycle the Government of Buenos Aires has done everyone a favor with their new EcoBici scheme. Tourists and locals alike can find rental bike station dotted all over this fair capital. With a flash of your ID you can rent (unattractive but functional) bicycles for the day and scoot along the new bicycle lane (bicisendas) from one side of the city to the other. Once you make it to Palermo parks, tie your bike up and take a nap under a tree. You deserve it after all that exercise!
Every lady from the Buenos Aires Expat world has one; a beauty treatment horror story. Hands covered in giant ball of wax held over Bunsen burners before being applied to private lady parts, old wax drying out in between the hoo-ha’s and 3 ‘beauticians’ being unable to remove it, hair dye burning the skin of foreheads, inflated prices from the quotes price list, pedicures that draw blood, manicures that create hangnails; yes, we have got it all.
Maybe it’s because we are too picky because we are accustomed to high standards prissy in our respective home countries…or maybe it’s just because Buenos Aires has yet to figure out how the world of pampering works. WE LIKE TO FEEL PRETTY NOT ABUSED!
I am my mother’s daughter; I love beauty treatments, at least I did when I lived in the UK. I don’t have all the money or time in the world to get them but when I can I will and when I can’t…well the wooly mammoth in the corner is probably me. It has taken three years of searching and a substantial amount of misery (and humiliation) to figure out some of the best Buenos Aires beauty treatment saloon’s so here is a list of some of my favorite so you pretty thangs out there don’t have to go through all the suffering and pain that I did.
To be manicured one must be manicured; Buenos Aires Nail Salons
Probably one of the most common quick fixes to make us feel just that little bit more sophisticated versus the dirty mucker that has been digging in the mud for gold.
- Queenies Nail Salon; Palermo Hollywood, Fitz Roy 1883 http://www.queeniesbuenosaires.com/
Pretty and pink. Some of the girls working there might be rather mardy but they certainly know how to get your hands and feet glammed up. Huge selection of varnishes, acrylics and gels, with good complimentary coffee, good cheesy TV channels and US and UK fashion magazines on the side! Well worth a look in.
- Cassandra May Esthetics: Colegiales
This beautiful lady travelled all the way from Canada to make every woman in Buenos Aires feel like a goddess and focuses on what the customer wants and needs. Her gorgeous light soaked space is perfect for ‘me time’. Great selection of colours and gels as well as heavenly foot massages. Green tea, fresh fruits, and great company….
Hollywood hair; Buenos Aires hairdressers
Possibly the most terrifying of them all; bad haircut/colour! There’s no turning back once you’ve had the chop so let’s make sure we get it right.
- Mala Peluqueria by Pantene; Palermo Soho, Gorriti 4646
Clean modern space, full of all the darlings of Palermo so they must be doing something right! Friendly staff, trained hairdresser who ACTUALLY do the colour and cut you ask for. AWESOME head massages (I found a lot of places don’t bother with this important step and it irks me somewhat), good coffee, tea and sodas free
- BA Hairdresser: Terrie Orr, firstname.lastname@example.org
A fave among the BA expat world. I have yet to meet the lovely lady but many have ranted and raved about here chopping skills
Porcelain perfect skin and body knots: Buenos Aires Facial and massage treatments
- Cassandra May Esthetics: Colegiales
Another win for Cassandra. Trained as a top esthetician, she is can cater facials for your skin type, needs and concerns…a true rarity it Buenos Aires.
- Home Hotel Spa; Palermo Hollywood; Honduras 5860
While maybe you won’t find packages to tackle specific skin concerns they do offer a wide selection of facials and massage. I can’t say it better than their website: ‘Leave the noise and grit of the city behind and step into our Spa, a space where relaxation reaches new heights.’ Don’t mind if I do!
Just a Little Prick; Buenos Aires Acupuncture
Beauty comes from within and Lauren Dulberg will help you release it.
- Acupuncture Buenos Aires; Almagro
Native New Yorker Lauren Dulberg is the only place to go. Whether it be internal or external she will get to the root of your problems with her magic needles, cups and Chinese medicine; making you healthier, happier and therefore prettier!
Hairy Mary: Buenos Aires Waxing
No solution found: I have purchased an IPL laser hair removal ‘gun’’ to take care of it myself!
Please, if you know a nice Buenos Aires beauty outlet, share the knowledge!! As one, we are beautified!
The other day I read a blog post which tickled me pink; it was entitled ‘How to piss off and Argentine’ from Matador Network who have done an extensive series about how to aggravate different groups and cultures from all over the world. The motive of this blog is pretty clear, 18 small things that you might do, as a gringo which goes totally and utterly against the cultural practices of Argie bargies.
Check it out for yourselves:
In my opinion this guy has got it pretty spot on, even when I showed it to my Argentine husband he begrudgingly agreed and then got pissed off that I thought it was so funny. I guess Argentines might also take themselves a little too seriously?! The guy who writes the article goes on to point out that Argentines seem to get miffed if you mention that you are from the US; ‘layer of something like jealousy, suspicion, a sense that you’ve had it easier somehow’….well try telling them you are from the UK buddy!
It’s no secret that relations between Argentina and Britain are a little, to say the least, rough around the edges. The first time I came to Buenos Aires to visit my then Argentine boyfriend, he took me on a ‘swanky’ date, to the famous grease ball pizza bar ‘El Cuartito’, ahem, and proceeded to explain that his father had been lecturing at him all afternoon ‘You could have picked a girl from anywhere in the world but you just HAD to pick one from England!’. Okaaaaaaaay. Great. So glad I have to meet this man tomorrow. Luckily, he was charmed by my enormous cheesy grin and quickly forgave my British roots but trust me, the fear of admitting my country was burnt deeply into my frontal lobe from that experience.
I’m not saying that all Argie’s get upset by my background…heck no. In fact the other day I had a girl stare at me in wonder, asking over and over again WHY was I living in her country and married to a dark and broody Argentine when I could be living in the most beautiful country in the world surrounded by the fair headed, bad teethed, polite British men. Ummmm, go figure?! Most Argentines are sensible and loving people that are clever enough to figure out I wasn’t responsible for the past. I am a ’84 baby peeps, I wasn’t even part of the world during that sad time.
It’s only on very isolated occasions that I have felt the cold front come in once mentioning my background, more often than not in a taxi cab. So you are British, in a taxi and alone. What do you do to prevent the stream of outrage? Obvio! Say you are from Australia. Just make sure you know EVERYTHING about Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan and Savage Garden before you do.
It could quite possibly be the best feeling in the world when you get that phone/Skype call/email/Facebook message from your loved ones saying ‘hey…we have decided to come and visit you in Buenos Aires’. Images of all the fun times you are going to have together start to whirl around in your head, transforming yourself into a renewed and fresh faced tourist rather than a somewhat rundown Buenos Aires expat. Just when your imagination runs away with itself you read the next line ‘can you be a darl’ and find us a flat to rent?’ and you come crashing back to the dog poo smeared sidewalks of Buenos Aires. Ouch. And so the process begins; trawling through page after page of apartments, trying to find the perfect combination of location, amenities, quality and price.
OK, the chore doesn’t sound THAT bad, especially as said love one’s are mostly likely paying a bucket load of money to fly to the other side of the world to come and visit you but it can work out to be a rather time consuming exercise. First you find at least 10 apartments that you think will fit the bill, so you link an email up and ship it out. You hear back from your nearest and dearest almost a week later, who are only listing 2 apartments as suitable options. You contact the agent and its no surprise that those were every man’s and his dog’s favorite apartments; FULLY BOOKED! A red line is drawn through and the process starts again.
Maybe, if you are lucky, on your third attempt you’ll have a winner; the family like it, good price and it’s available. YES. ‘Can you go and check it out for us?’ the family says. So you rally with the agent, use sweet pervasive language and flutter some eyelashes and they unwillingly let you view the property. Photos lie. Sooooooo, you start again….
It’s not always this complicated and to make it lest so here are my favorite websites to look to give you a head start!
Oasiscollections.com: luxury apartments spread all around the city catering to every taste but mostly to the traveler that has a pretty penny to spend. Excellent, efficient staff that make the entire booking process an absolute pleasure.
Friendlyrentals.com: Simple to luxurious apartments with a simple online booking process.
Airbnb.com: this is a given, the world over. Private homeowners take to the World Wide Web to promote their humble abode as a great base to enjoy vacations. A huge variation; the good the bad and the ugly are definitely in there somewhere.
Poetrybuilding.com: These luxurious apartments meets boutique hotel. This building is home to a small selection of apartments based in Recoleta that boast total elegance and taste.
dulcehogarbue.com.ar: Not an English speaking friendly website, with a smallish selection but a good variation of accommodation.
santelmoloft.com: 6 great options for all budgets and travelers. Super friendly owners go out of their way to make your stay comfortable and will be able to point you in the right direction for things-to-do in Buenos Aires.
Christmas. It has been the latest entry to add to my list of grumbles about my life as an expat in Buenos Aires. Christmas (to me) means cold weather, twinkling decoration lights hanging from each street corner and lamp, cheesy Christmas tunes blurring out of every shop front, crap Christmas films on the TV schedule and most importantly the food and the booze. Pink Champagne, mulled wine, turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, pigs in blankets, Christmas pudding and brandy.
Apart from the odd bit of sad looking tinsel hanging from the rafters, a viewing of Home Alone 3 (not even the original goddamnit!) and ONE Christmas song on the radio on Christmas eve, a Christmas in Buenos Aires involved none of my ‘What Christmas Means’ list.
It was hot and sweaty for starters; and I know many people will be thinking ‘oh, how nice, I could do with a bit of sun right now!’ but this was just unpleasant, you know, that kind of hot when your eyelids sweat even at 12 o’clock at night…which is another thing. They celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve here rather than Christmas Day. I know it’s a tradition for many Latin cultures and probably for the best considering it was a whole 2 degree cooler at night than in the day, but I still can’t get my head around it. The music is Argentine folklore, old school cumbia and even the national Anthem thrown in because why not. Where the heck is ‘All I want for Christmas’ and ‘White Christmas’?
And the food…pah! You would think in the the heat they would go for lighter options, cooling for the body…but no. Just stodgy cold cuts of meat like matambre, thick creamy (cold sauces), heavy potato salad and deviled eggs. If you are going to be stuffing yourself with all that I don’t get why they don’t just prepare a real hearty turkey dinner and be done with it? At least the wine is good. That is something that Argentina does do well, thank goodness, so let it drown my bah humbug sorrow’s.
Of all the things that I miss about Christmas at home, nothing could beat watching my husband dress up as Father Christmas to surprise the little people after midnight. With a HO HO HO and red jolly (somewhat strained) face he burst into the scene with bundles of gifts at the ready. The absolute wonder and joy spread across every child face was worth missing out on all those things I know and love about Christmas and maybe one day, this will be my kind of Christmas too….but with bread sauce on the side please.